How do you maintain positive two-way communication?
How do you keep your communication a two-way street?
What happens if you disagree or don’t understand what someone is saying to you?
Communication is hard. How often have we all thought that what we are saying is absolutely clear and obvious only to see a puzzled expression across the table (or Zoom screen). What do you do if you’re the person with the puzzled expression. What is the right way to respond if you don’t understand or don’t agree with what someone is saying to you?
There is of course no ‘right response’ - but certainly it’s worth taking a few moments to consider your response. Here are a few options and ideas for reflection:
You silently agree or disagree - maybe it’s not that important to you but:
What if the person would really value your opinion
Are you signalling indifference
Are you making them worried - do they assume you agree or disagree
Do you speak up and tell them you agree or disagree
If it’s something important to either or both of you, it’s probably a good idea to share your views
But what if it’s something pretty trivial and you disagree - is it worth having a difficult discussion
Healthy disagreement can often lead to better solutions
If you agree then they will really value hearing your support - they might turn to you in the future
Over the past few years I’ve learned to use ‘Why?’ a lot more when I don’t agree or understand what someone is saying to me. But I was rather taken aback a couple of weeks ago when a colleague told me that she felt that by asking the question ‘Why?’ she felt I was challenging what she was saying in a negative way. It is sometimes hard to hide your inner feelings (in this instance I was genuinely curious) but I gave it some thought afterwards.
Here are 5 ways you can ask the question ‘Why do you think that?’ and depending on which word you emphasise you will cause a very different response.
WHY do you think that? (I really don’t understand your logic)
Why DO you think that? (What is your motive)
Why do YOU think that? (Everyone else thinks something else)
Why do you THINK that? (Are you crazy?!)
Why do you think THAT? (You have got it all wrong!)
My additions in brackets are a little bit tongue in cheek, but give it a go. You can also change the message by your tone, volume and many other inflections.
Communication is a two-way street - so it’s worth thinking about how to keep the traffic flowing.
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